WHAT IS SELF-COMPASSION?
Self-compassion means compassion for yourself: relating to yourself with acceptance, forgiveness, and kindness. Instead of judging yourself harshly when you’ve made a mistake, it’s remembering that you’re only human - and being human is bound to involve some errors and learning curves. It also means taking care of yourself in general.
The Core Elements of Self-Compassion:
Self-Kindness: This is the practice of being kind and understanding toward oneself instead of harshly judgmental.
Common Humanity: Recognizing one’s experiences as part of the larger human experience can reduce feelings of isolation and remind us that we all make mistakes.
Mindfulness: Mindfulness plays an important role in self-compassion – being aware of the present moment without over-identification with negative thoughts or feelings.
HOW DOES SELF-COMPASSION HELP FOR PAIN?
Stress may increase cortisol levels, and cortisol can increase pain. Not allowing yourself to take enough rest and recovery time, pushing yourself too hard at work, or simply allowing negative self-talk in your mind can all lead to stress which may increase pain levels. Self-compassion means that you are a little bit kind to yourself, which can reduce your stress and turns the volume down on your pain.
Practising Self-Compassion for Pain:
Forgiveness for “mistakes”
Self-compassion means forgiving yourself when you are not perfect! Certain circumstances are beyond your control, and sometimes, even when doing everything you can to manage your chronic pain, things might not go the way you planned! You may also make mistakes in your judgement (how much exercise you can handle, for example), resulting in a flare-up in your pain. This is normal and can happen to everyone who has chronic pain. Beating yourself up for “getting it wrong or for mistakes” may simply cause stress.
So rather forgive yourself, rest and recover, and try again tomorrow or in a few days with a better understanding of your limits - while still knowing that they can grow!
Hearing your thoughts
Most people have a lot of compassion for others but struggle to be kind to themselves. Your thought-world might be where you are hardest on yourself. Being aware of your thoughts, and noticing when they are negative or even mean, is the first step. As they say, acceptance is the first step. Try to catch these self-critical thoughts, pause, and decide to let them go. It may be tricky at first, but building this habit has enormously positive effects on your mental health.
Practice mindfulness of your thoughts without becoming over-identified with them. You are not your thoughts, they are separate from you as a person and are simply neurons firing in your head, which you can learn to steer better.
Encouraging yourself with positive self-talk
Try to replace any negative self-talk with positive encouragement and affirmation. For example, perhaps you have a flare up of pain after doing a physical activity you’ve never tried before. Maybe your thought is “Why am I so stupid? Why did I do that?”.
Reframe this with something authentic but positive, for example: “I was trying something new which is brave, and it COULD have worked out and become a wonderful new chapter, it’s not always possible to know your exact limits. Now I know it’s not for me, that’s ok, I’ll recover and feel better in a few days”.
SOME MORE QUICK PRACTICAL SELF-COMPASSION TIPS:
Don’t feel ashamed about reaching out to your support network when you’re struggling – friends, family, community, support groups, a psychotherapist. You might even want to join our Pain Warrior community. If you don’t have a support network, begin building one! You deserve it!
Incorporate self-care practices into your daily life. Whether that’s taking a daily nap, scheduling walks in nature, or delegating better at work or home (letting others help you).
Decide what your priorities are for your life and health and let go of things which are less important. Choose what things you can eliminate completely or compromise on. You don’t need to have a perfect life in all aspects. For example, maybe it’s worth it for you to spend a small fee on getting your groceries delivered rather than spending the energy doing it in person.
Create boundaries and stick to them by learning to say “no”. This ties in with the point above – if you know what’s important, you can decide what to let go of. Perhaps a family member wants you to go on a hike with them, but you’ve already done your exercise for the day and so it may cause a pain flare-up. You’re allowed to say no!