If you have a loved one with chronic pain, you’re probably wondering how you can support them better in dealing with this challenging and long-term situation. It might feel especially tricky to navigate if it’s a new partner, or a close friend who’s recently been diagnosed. Supporting someone with a lifelong condition may also feel daunting if you’re one of their primary caregivers.
How Chronic Pain Impacts Individuals
Chronic pain is pain lasting longer than 6 weeks. Common causes include auto-immune conditions, genetic conditions, and osteo-arthritis, among others. Managing chronic pain can be complex, as it can be misinterpreted as an acute or dangerous injury or just a symptom of anxiety. It can sometimes need multiple types of tests for a diagnosis, as well as a team of healthcare providers, rather than a single doctor to treat and manage.
The physical and psychological impacts of chronic pain on individuals can be extreme, with many people losing quality of life in a big way. It can impact people’s home life, relationships and work.
10 Great ways to support a partner, family member or friend living with Chronic Pain
1. Be a Present Listener
First, listen. Don’t underestimate the power of being a present, authentic listener to your loved one – whether they’re telling you about their condition for the first time, telling you about their symptoms, or a particularly difficult experience they went through. We often want to give advice or fix the problem, but mostly what your loved one needs is for you to be present.
2. Accept and Understand Their Condition
Try to fully hear, understand and accept your loved one’s condition and what they’re struggling with. One of the hardest things for you may be to accept your loved one’s condition – that this is what it is, and that it’s probably never completely going away. Your loved one may not be able to do all the things they were able to do before, but they are still the same person you cared about before they started having health challenges.
3. Educate Yourself About Their Condition
Educate yourself - learn about the condition - and stay informed. Ask questions, accompany your loved one for doctor’s visits, and do some of your own research.
4. Avoid Offering Unwanted Solutions
Resist the urge to jump in with solutions. They’ve probably tried them all already. Sometimes this can be difficult – especially for those of us with very practical and solution driven personalities – but it can be very frustrating, and potentially insulting, to the person who’s tried everything, over many years.
5. Offer Specific and Practical Help
Ask what you can do to help, or, if they don’t answer with anything specific, offer to do some specific practical tasks (washing dishes, collecting meds, driving them to appointments, for example).
6. Respect Their Independence
Once you’ve got your groove with your loved one, don’t keep offering to do things they’ve said no to – keep in mind that they probably also take pride in the independence they do have. Taking on more and more on their behalf may not be the most helpful thing you can do!
7. Show Physical Affection for Emotional Support
Give them some hugs and cuddles: physical affection releases a powerful chemical, oxytocin, which actually acts as a natural anti-inflammatory! The power of an arm around you on the couch, or a passing squeeze, can be magical.
8. Encourage Movement & Physical Activity
Encourage your loved one to keep moving their body, even on bad days - walking, tidying up, dancing or even just swaying to the music! And doing the exercises recommended by their physiotherapist, of course.
9. Support a Healthy Daily Routine
Support your partner in keeping a healthy routine - think regular sleep, sunlight exposure, healthy eating, avoiding unhealthy habits (drugs, drinking, smoking), regular social interactions (family meals, seeing friends), and outings. This is a big one!
10. Advocate for Quality Medical Care
Advocate for proper medical care - the right healthcare team can make all the difference in lowering pain levels and building a better quality of life. It may also mean encouraging your loved one to make appointments, driving them around, and reminding them – if they suffer with bad brain fog or feel very unmotivated.